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The Pasta Edit
Chapter 1: The CD Edit
When I turned 16, I got a CD.
I remember it precisely, every event, every little detail, every death, every step closer to insanity. Because the horrors that came, will never come out of my head, and they will be stuck with me until the day I die.
On the bright side, what happened was incredibly stupid and laughable, so the horrors are pretty much non-existent.
It started on a forum, when my online friends (who may be pedophiles) and I were talking about a new video game.
cludie2: apparently this new vid game is coming out soon :3
UzaTxley: Oh yeah, The Fall. Looks good.
timochra1941: I wanna buy it. Thatss settles it imm getting the zSphere Gen just for this game
SuperSonySmasher: you guys sk the PlayThing 4 is gonna kick MiniSoft's ass
And from that, a giant flame war ensued. Meanwhile, I went to the game store to find it, perhaps for the PC.
"Sorry, The Fall ain't on the PC. Unless you want to wait for the zSphere Gen to come out, I'm sorry," said the clerk. "Oh, come on!" I exclaimed. "You mean Digital Arts didn't port it to the PC?" "It's zSphere Gen exclusive," he replied. "Hold on a second," I said. "For fuck's sake, stop referencing bullshit like Titanfall and EA! The console wars of the '10s are fucking over!" I then turned to the clerk and
gouged out my eyes while punching my testicles"Stop that!" I said to the author. THEN I turned to the clerk and eyed him while I walked out of the store.
Then, magically, as I looked down, I saw a disc. Not any disc, but — *gasp* THE FALL FOR THE PC! Little did I know, that was when the horrors began.
Chapter 2: Turn Back Now Edit
There were a few questions I had to ask: why did it suddenly appear there? Why would someone throw it away? Was I too moronic to realise how stupid TAKING A FUCKING BOOTLEGGED DISC IS? Was it porn that the creator just slapped "The Fall (PC)" on?
But, for all the questions, I knew one thing...there was no turning back.
Actually, I could have turned back and put the disc into a damn bin, but I wanted to play the game without waiting. So "no turning back" was an excuse I made up.
I put it in my computer, and it automatically started. I was hyped up to play it. The first thing I saw was the DA logo. But it was blood red. And screams echoed about the logo.
I was laughing out loud. The DA logo looked like some moron put it through a color correction FX in Sony Vegas, and the screams seemed to be recorded using a rather shitty web-mic. The next thing I saw was the menu. It had the words "help us save us" all over the screen. This didn't seem out of place at all. I mean, it was advertised as a war game with a morality system. But, the hijinks ensued when I started the new game.
Chapter 3: Captain Santos Edit
I started with a black screen, and an evil laugh. Turns out the sound budget was raised when I started the game. This was the first cutscene. It was alright. Nothing out of the ordinary there. The first few hours of gameplay were alright too. No horror, nothing you'd expect from a shitty .exe pasta.
My support character for the game was a guy called Cpt. James Santo. Now, if you've never played the game, you probably don't know him. So, let me explain his entire fucking life to you. James Santo, born in 1963 to Claire Santo and Edward Santo, was awarded the Noble Star when he the following has been cut because the author is inept of keeping on tune to the story.
Santo was nice enough. He stood by me and gave me tips when the waves of enemies rushed towards me like suicide bombers. Except they were trying to shoot me. And I was killing them. Yeah, I'm crap at metaphors/similes. But if this game taught me anything outside of "Don't steal a game without it's cover, you bloody idiot", it was that no man is good, and any display of good is just to mask the evil inside them. Great moral. The kids should play this for edutainment.
I came to a cutscene. My player character was meeting up with Santo. "Hmmm," I thought. "Maybe this game is legit." And then Santo shot my player character in the face, and crappily recorded evil laughs were abound. "OK, to be fair, I expected something bad to happen. Oldest trick in the book."
Wow. It's taken me forever to actually update this. With distractions abound, and the evergrowing popularity of the wiki, and me becoming admin, I actually feel like continuing this story.
I know, it's not fully done, but I will continue updating until I feel the story to be complete.
Also, I am removing the best paster badge until it's complete.